somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
