My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
