ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
