So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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