I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
