im about as happy as oj after his trial
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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