Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize