After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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