Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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