whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
