i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have post one night stand depression
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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