I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
