I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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