I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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