I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize