I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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