Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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