Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
