Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
