Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
