It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
