forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
