Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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