Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
