Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
