Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
