i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love having hate sex.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize