So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
