just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
