Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
