It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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