Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize