i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
