I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
