Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
