i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
