I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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