Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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