I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
