playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
