Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
