She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
