When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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