the day after is always just damage control
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
