I CAN MOONWALK!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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