well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
