my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize