her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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