I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
