if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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