another moral hangover. fuck.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
