I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize