Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
