Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
