Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
