i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
