she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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