So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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