Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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