R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Soap is not a condiment
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
