i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
