tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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