Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i barfeds in our rink
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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