Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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