I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
