If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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