Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
