You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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