I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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