I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
