also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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