god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
