As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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