apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
