He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
