i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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