maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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