And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
