I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize