How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
