Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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