I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
