he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
