Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
