what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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