Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
