If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
