Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
