so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
