we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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