My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
