Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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