I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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