I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
