were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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