I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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