Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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