Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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