I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
