I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
