The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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