Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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