Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
