i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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