yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
