how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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