sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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