People in love make me want to vomit
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize