champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
birth control should be required to get into college
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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